i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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