um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
