thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
