cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
