So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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