Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
