Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
