i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
