I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
