Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
