so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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