he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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