does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
