I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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