I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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