from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
