I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
