Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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