She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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