He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
