I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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