i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your cock deserves a montage
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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