My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
