at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
