Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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