what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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