I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
