can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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