what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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