so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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