Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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