Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
