what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
