wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
