So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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