my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
