i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
