Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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