Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
