I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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