Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
