I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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