I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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