Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
