Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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