we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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