so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
