In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
