they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
