So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
