Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
