omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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