wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
