The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
