Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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