dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
