and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
