my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
