i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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