So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize