He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize