just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
