Pappa wants mamma naked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
