She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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