Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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