you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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