so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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