There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
