He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
