can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
