Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
