Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So squirting runs in the family.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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