she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
