i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
