On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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