I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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