dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
