i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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